result oh result

alhamdulillah praised to Allah for all His kindness. Im not sure if im worth all the goods He gave me recently. I cannot describe my gratefulness

Honestly I failed my Economy test. again. yes for the third time. tak pasti mana kurangnya. Dah pulun berabis ya rabbi cannot tell how much im throwing my attention towards this subject more than the other subjects. but still,

mungkin ada silapnya sebagai seorang rakan, seorang anak, seorang hamba Allah. probably I made mistakes and didnt realize it yet. mungkin. Redha.

im not sure if i want to use the chance given by mpm untuk ulang balik this subject. and honestly my pam's result is not that cool. and i was like, should i repeat my papers or not should i or should i not? nah need istikarah.

im not that disappointed with my results. honestly. but then everytime i told my father about my results, he be like,

" no its ok. that fine you got this this better. its just this this. bukan pengukur kejayaan semua ni. dont worry, zaman nabi tak pernah ada exam. dont stick and believe too much with exams results. this is just a game. kejayaan tu bila awak tak masuk papan catur yang direncanakan oleh yahudi untuk melupakan yang Diatas sana,.." bla bla bla panjang you need to hear him if you got time. tak pernah penat nak memujuk.

tak pernah minta abah pujuk. but he did it. he always do, for me for us (sibs) itu yang menyakitkan tbh.

its hateful how abah selalu pujuk when we fall and we didnt even try so so so hard to make him proud. this feeling, bila i cannot comfort him, but he comfort me. i feel useless.

Dear Allah. bless this human being for all his kindness.

Terima kasih, abah. i'll try my best.